Being a software developer, we have a sync up between the team at the start of the day to check on where we are as far as the project progress is concerned.
I was sharing my status about how the model I trained did not look great to me, so I would have to consume it on one of the documents to see how well does it perform in the real world.
Just in case you are unaware of Machine learning models, the thing is, you give some data to an algorithm, you ask it to learn from it (without giving any rules), it’s expected to learn from that training data and then we ask it to apply that learning on a new set of data which tells us how well did it perform.
I don’t know what’s wrong with the approach of testing my model on one of the documents to keep an eye on it’s performance but suddenly one of my team members bursted on me. Her concern was around why do I need to apply it one documents when it’s performance already looks good on the data on which the model was trained.
She just kept on shouting on me that if it’s my personal interest to test model’s performance on a document, I should do that for myself and should not update on those tasks in the sync up … and that I should mention every other detail about the model like algorithm used, accuracy achieved, size of the model etc ( which btw I had already stated in the sync up).
I chose not to react on it. I just heard what she wanted to say and agreed with her without saying a word. Even our scrum master felt bad for what just happened and convinced me not to mind anything. I agreed with him too, that she might have something wrong in her life, frustration of which bursted on me.
I never felt it for me being right/wrong with my approach, what I felt more was about the way she embraced me in front the whole team for nothing.
The million dollar question here is, was I right to stay silent and listen to what she had to say ? or should I have reacted to this considering the self respect of mine.
Of course, this is not first time for me, but what I’ve learnt with situations like these is to always stay calm, not to loose your temper and choose to stay silent. The intention is never to dilute the anger but if you’re right and still choose to stay calm, those to whom you matter, they tend to come back to you and say sorry later.
I’m not saying anything … I don’t know if we all should do this but may be for me, I want to be sedated or it’s painful not to pretend or may be simply because I’m a coward.
Think about it. If you died, would anyone care? Would they really care? or may be they will cry for a day, but lets be honest!! No one gives a shit. They wouldn’t.
The few people who will feel obligated to go to your funeral would probably be annoyed and will leave as early as possible. That’s who we are … that’s what we are .. we’re nothing !!! to anyone !!!
Sometimes I wonder, how do we know if we’re in control or is it just that we constantly predict between what comes to us. A constant illusion of a choice.
My mother picked me up from the school one day, we went by a pond. When we came back my sneakers were full of sand. I dumped those in the hall. My mother screamed at me for the mess but my father didn’t. He said, from billions of years the worlds moving and the oceans, rivers, ponds shifting brought the sand to the pond and then I took it away.
Everyday, he said we change the world but to change it in a way that means anything .. that takes time than most of us have. It’s slow. At times, it’s exhausting.
Anyways… Let me just take you home a thought that no matter what, be nice to people in a way that means something.. something in their life. If you have to keep yourself silent for it, choose to be.
May be because, at times, that’s the right thing to do.