I was listening to one of the speech by Dr. George Lakeoff. One of the most reputed professors and researchers in the field of Neuro-Science.
The speech was about how how your thoughts get calculated in your brain.
Wooo wait!! before you think of skipping, mind that the article isn’t about it (I mean calculation of your thoughts).
So I was there listening to him and I don’t know why but for some reason it made me recall few things about my father.
When I was in 10th/12th, my exams were over, I knew I needed certificates for my graduation and post graduation but I was too new to all the procedures.
I expected my father to be there with me to attest things, to take photos for attesting, to enquire about all the certifications required to get them etc, but he was never there. He asked me to go and get it all finished, without any help. I thought he must be joking but he wasn’t.
I had to go by myself, start right from asking people what certifications are required, where to get stamp papers, talk to stamp vendors, get them attested, stand in the long queue for submission, stand in another queue to enquire about the existing certifications etc.. It was frustrating.
I remember how angry I used to be at my father that I myself had to do it all.. I mean I was just a kid, I had really really bad time doing it all by myself. I even remember getting exhausted, sitting out in the corner, wanting to cry.
Of course I never expressed it to him. I have never ever yelled at him and I would never do.. no matter what but I, for sure used to be super angry that he wasn’t there when I needed him.
It was in my nature then that as the whole procedure of getting certificates was so difficult, I talked to authorities and got myself a job there. The intention was just to understand the the whole thing and at the same time try to help others in the same mess as I was. I worked there for almost a year, part time.
In the later years, when I had to take admission for my masters, no one was there with me, I had to do it all by myself and there’s nothing surprising in it.. I know !!!
After many years passed to these situations, today, I was just recalling those days again, thinking, should I really had to be angry at him? or was the situation really intense enough to be angry because he wasn’t there with me when I needed? Does it really mean that he, or I meant nothing for each other?
No! right? Of course No!… No matter what, he is my father and he is still my idol and till to the day, I respect everything about him.
The question is, “Was he playing devil by not being with me when needed” !!!!
Of course at times, I wanted him there, I had difficulties, I got frustrated at a level that I wanted to cry and it all did hurt … I understand !!! but was it on purpose?
I know, even you would agree that it wasn’t on purpose. He wanted me to get the real world experience, he wanted to teach me to deal with situations or may be he genuinely had no time.
If I really believed he has been good, If I know him, If I’ve witnessed his behavior with me in the past… what do you think, should I start hating him?
There’s no second thought, I know he is my father and I trust that no matter what, there must be some reason he behaved that way, he is father, he won’t tell you all things he did for you… right ? He can’t be open to you for certain things and can make you feel like he is not good … but all that is nothing but “for your goodness”.
There must be some thought behind why he did what he did right? Of course …. so he is absolutely a good person as I’ve witnessed before and no doubt, I would still go ahead and give me a warm hug.
All those things did not make him a bad person in my story. Why is it so? Because I trusted him from the core. No matter how angry, things made me but I stood on his side believing that he indeed is a good person and there must be some reason behind things having the way they were …
Because I know he is my father and he would never want anything wrong with me. So it all .. in one way or the other was good for me.
Thinking of the other side, what If my father would have told me that he wanted to teach me to be in the real world and that’s why he chose not to be with me and let me do it myself .. May be then I would have been happy or at least not angry at him for being like that .. or may be what If I would have asked him the reasons for not being with me when needed ?
Would asking such questions had helped?
No! That would not have helped because I know .. no one’s father would like to talk about things they did for the good of their child right? They can’t praise themselves or they can’t tell you everything right away. Because at times, knowing things could cause problems that you don’t realize at times.
Thinking of one more side, which unfortunately most of us choose to do is, what if I had assumed that what my father did is wrong and that he isn’t a good person. What if my father would have somehow got to know of how angry I was on him. Do you really think that he would feel happy about it? No ! right?
Because even if he did not tell me, his intentions were always good. It was for me in a way that I did not understand at that time.
I just started walking myself through all the people in my life that I might have hurt in some way.
Thinking about our conversations, our casual talks, my cousins, friends that I did not call since years, hostel mates, my college teachers… even my brother.
I started assessing myself in the best possible and neutral way, thinking if I hurt anybody with bad intentions!! I know you might not believe, but everybody that I might have hurt, there always was a reason. I’m sure many of you would feel this. In the way I behaved before, In a way I am as a personality .. You know who and how I am ! It’s just a matter of “Is my father a bad person?” or “Does history shows that he had been awesome and that there must be a good reason that he protected me simply for nothing and that he is indeed a good person”.
Mind that mine is just an example but for most of us, life has always been like “Me” versus the universe. If you try to be in such competition, obviously you will feel crushed for things. Little things will crush you.
Your thought and emotion is what one should be talking about. When are we going to figure out how to handle your thoughts and emotions !!! Not her’s not his .. just your’s.
The only problem with life is just this. most people have taken their life too seriously… without realizing that we’re just like a pop up on the computer screen. Just pop up and pop out !!!
Anyways .. let’s get back to work.
No .. no .. you did not waste your time by reading uptil this. You can take back a lesson. A lesson that my father wasn’t a wrong person when he wasn’t there with me when needed. He seemed like one because he did not meet my expectations but whatever it was, there was a reason for it. Because I know from the core that he is a good person, I would keep being honest and being awesome with him .. If one of the strangers would have done it, may be I would have treated him bad for it but in this case, he was my father and I know he is a good man so I would smile at him and we would be awesome.
Just generalize this to your lives and be aware that not everybody is bad, there are reasons for things being good or bad. At times it’s all for our goodness. People are just carriers.
Anyways, to be honest, I don’t want to talk much about the topic as it’s very dear to me. Soooooo let’s get in and write some code. It’s been long since I’ve been here. I’ll grab a cup of coffee with my new coffee machine.
You, have a good day.
Stay Happy, Stay blessed. 😊
Thanks for being here till the last line.