Note: Sorry to interrupt but read slow.
I did everything right, I worked hard, I was kind as often as anyone can be…
Then why am I lying in here in the hospital bed with my house destroyed and my life on the edge of being a life anymore?
I bought a new house, it was beautiful, I really worked hard for it and things were quite well for me.
Earthquakes are fairly common in our area, We were having our dinner and we felt a little hit of an earthquake. It was mild but we still covered under the tables, just in case …
In a moment, a big one hit the floor hard, window broke, as I was at the edge, I was struck with a falling sections of the kitchen window. One knocked me unconscious and the other punctured my stomach.
And now I am here in the hospital bed. fortunately every other family member came out unharmed or with minor injuries.
Doctors told me that a piece of glass caused internal bleeding in me, I underwent an emergency surgery but they said, it was worse than they thought and they could only make it bleed less. They said, “I might survive but probably not”. They said they will see if they can have another surgery.
So I lie here.. waiting !!! Thinking about how through-out my life, I always believed that there was reason for everything that happened to me or because of me.
I tried finding why would this have happened to me this time, I tried hard but I found nothing. Many of the people who rushed to see me, tried to console me and tried to come up with reasons and their own insights to why this happened.
Some said, It was gods will, some said, everything will be okay and some said, it was my destiny !!!
I wanted to believe them, but I couldn’t.
All they said were nothing but efforts to find the exemption to admitting the truth, that there was no good reason. At least none that had anything to do with me.
Earth’s crust move, because of which some broke and created waves and that shook everything. That’s the reason. It’s good reason for earth but not for me, who by chance was on top of it, in the wrong place at wrong time.
For all my life, I foolishly overlooked something that was so obvious. That every time I said, everything happens for a reason, every time I found a reason for why something happened to me, I never meant it for a bad reason, I always believed that it happened for a good reason.
I always meant that those reasons were there to allow me to win. How foolish I was to think this ? That somehow I was special, somehow important, that somehow universe kept me away from the fact that no one wins this thing.
I wonder then, who is right ? Those who claim that something happened for a reason or those who don’t find any at the same time?
I was writing, creating reasons but I was wrong in thinking that they were real. In truth, events in our lives don’t need reasons, we need those reasons.
When my father says, “It’s going to be okay”, he doesn’t mean it. He just hopes … and I can’t blame him for that.
And I think I did the same thing every time I thought and felt anything happened for a reason. I was simply hoping that it did happen for a reason.
I think reasons that we bring, those aren’t the proof that anything happens for a reason but proof of hope.
But I realize now that at some point in time, the pen we write these reasons with, It will dry up. There will be no ink left… until then ..I’ll lie here in this hospital bed, creating every last reason I can …!!!